DAY 42

My work just had a Christmas party and it was suuuper fun. I’m not going to go into detail about it because honestly, there aren’t any super memorable stories that would excite anyone, but there was ONE thing that happened that I feel relates to the blog, and I wanted to talk about it.  

So I was hit on by a guy. And uh… That guy was there as a plus one. To a girl. Who I THINK is his girlfriend. At least, she was kissing him and putting her hand on his thigh so… Going to assume there is some romantic involvement. 

I don’t think I was giving him any indication that I was interested in him or flirting with him. I felt I was pretty friendly, and I was talking to him as I would talk to any coworker there, so when he started saying things that felt like he was dismissing the girl he was with and checking me out, I was like huh… did not expect that. 

I was drunk, so I may have SEEMED flirty, but if I was, it was purely unintentional. So what happened was, the night was drawing to a close in the ballroom, and there was no more alcohol left at ALL. We were both equally disappointed and I looked around the room. I saw a drink on a table close by that was half full and completely unoccupied. Normal me would not have drank it, but drunk me did not give a fuck. I turn to him.

“Should I grab it? No one is drinking it.”

“Do it! Grab it!”

So I do. I pick it up, bring it over and taste it. I make a horrified face.

“It’s disgusting. Here, drink it.” We both drink it back and forth until it’s gone because we are desperate for more alcohol. I remember very little about what we had talked about, but what I do remember is him minimizing his relationship with his date, my coworker. He said he could do whatever he wanted really, that he could hook up with someone else. I thought this was very weird because I had been so sure he was her boyfriend based on how they were acting. I bring her up again, saying she is awesome and that I really liked her. He says he likes her too.

I eventually got preoccupied and walked away. I told my friend who I had brought as my plus one and she said she thought they were just friends, and that he definitely seemed interested in me. But I abandoned him and didn’t see him for the rest of the night.

Honestly, if he was single, and wasn’t with a date and I wasn’t doing the one year no dates challenge, I might have been interested in him, but I wasn’t really comfortable with the fact that his date was clearly wanting something to happen with him that night, even if they weren’t dating. I also didn’t want to fuck over a coworker, really any person, but someone who I have to see on occasion. Also, I’ve had a date I brought to a party make out with an 18 year old (story in Day 28) so... It’s very shitty and the last thing I want is to have drama with a coworker. Fuck, that would be horrible.

Outside of that, I did end up doing one of my Fuck It List challenges, sitting in a coffee shop and drawing strangers. It was fun, me and C did it together. I haven’t drawn on paper in so long so it was different. I have been drawing on my tablet for years so I have just gotten used to never having to erase, just hitting CTRL-Z. I enjoyed just people watching and observing the small details that people put into their appearance that you don’t normally think about. I would really like to do this a lot more. Perhaps alone one day, and just pick a coffee shop I’ve never been in before. The challenge is picking someone who isn’t going to move out of your view, but also someone who isn’t going to catch you. I was facing the window so everyone left my view so quickly, I had to try to draw them from memory.

I have been addictively listening to a new podcast called V Single where two women who are very single interview other single people, sometimes the occasional taken person. I love it because it gives me more reasons to not want to go back to dating. I get reminded just how awful it is, and how terrible/boring men on those apps are. And every person they talk to that has a relationship always stems out of a real life meeting, and not a dating app. That just gives me more reason not to want to go back.

This past weekend, I had some girlfriends over and the three of them were all swiping on Tinder. I think that is the only thing I miss about swiping, the hilarity that comes from swiping with your friends. When I’m alone, it’s like hours will go by and I’ve talked to no one. Some of them stated their rules on who they would swipe on and it was funny to me how my rules aren’t so different.

Rules like:

1. No to ab pictures, gym pictures or too many selfies
2. No to guys who don’t smile enough or at all
3. Needs to look wholesome and not douchey
4. Can’t be too hot
5. No to guys with pictures with other women that look romantic, because she is how you’re going to measure what hotness level he is looking for. Often unreachably hot.
6. No to guys who comment on your looks right away
7. No to guys who comment on hair colour (especially guys who fetishize gingers.)
8. No to guys who show any signs of neediness or jealousy, even in a joking way

I’m sure there’s way more, but I can’t remember right now. It is noted that many women swipe while they’re drunk and/or horny and will negate some of these rules as a result. There is a big difference when swiping for sex versus swiping for love. Abs are sometimes allowed then...

Later in the night, we met up with a couple, and the woman in the couple was super sweet. The guy was good too haha but in regards to our conversation, it was her I was talking to. I told her about my “no dating for a year” challenge and she really wanted to know why. I explained to her just the constant disappointment and just how much happier I am when I’m not looking. She was trying to encourage me that the right kind of guy was out there, and she had been in the same position as me before she met her boyfriend and was like shocked that a guy like him even exists. Stuff I’ve heard before, and it’s like one of those “sure, you just got lucky.” But in the same vein, I probably wouldn’t date HER boyfriend if he weren't dating her. I think about all the friends I have who are dating “good guys” I often recognize that they are good without feeling like if he wasn’t dating her, I would want to date him, if that makes sense. Like, what I actually want probably doesn’t exist.

Anyway, I feel like I’m started to get judged for talking about dating so much by some people, but like, it’s a thing that bombards my life all the time. If people aren’t talking about their partners, there’s people talking about being on apps, or people talking about sex, or people asking if I’m seeing anyone and I’m like “I made a crocheted corn dog! Look!”

I just want to support other people finding love, and being happy in their relationships. I’m good where I’m at. Only… like 10 1/2 more months to go! And I don’t even care. I hope it goes by even slower.