DAY 4

Well, I’ve already been asked out. 4 days in. I was expecting like maybe 8 months in, and that’s it, this whole time. This one was a weird one because it was in a private message on a Meetup group with no previous conversation to be had. Just…

“Hello, I'm [NAME] curious would you ever like to have a drink together?”

One could assume this is NOT a date, just a platonic friendly request to make new friends. But how often does some strange guy ask a strange girl to hang out as “friends” before an exchange of ANY kind? I think… next to never.

What should I say? How should I word it?

“Thanks, but I’m not going on dates right now.”

He could come back with “I wasn’t asking you out, how presumptuous of you... I’m just looking for friends, geez. Can’t a guy ask a girl to hang out without trying to size each other up as a romantic partner/hook up? GEEZ!”

(This is the subtext of a less snarky version of what I would expect)

I have also asked guys out for coffee and been told that they didn’t think it was a date. It was a FUCKING DATE, dude! I was asking you out! Am I supposed to say “let’s go for coffee, but like, as a date” ? I don’t know, it’s always been a date to me, no matter how casual it is.

But some people apparently don’t define coffee as a date...  So then it doesn’t break my rule? I guess it all depends on how each person feels about it, what their expectations are, and what their current status is. The men who told me they didn’t think coffee was a date were men who wanted to justify hanging out one-on-one with me because guess what? They had girlfriends. And failed to mention them beforehand. I say men and not man because this has literally happened MULTIPLE times. It’s infuriating. But I digress.

I don’t think I can really argue with it if a guy is going to say something like “it’s not a date” because he may not define it that way, but I do, and then we just have to agree to disagree. I think a non-date version of what he’s suggesting only works if I am hanging out with a platonic, already established guy friend.

I don’t know if you can tell by now, but I’m a considerable over-thinker.

I could do what I always do and just not reply, but I feel like I want to break that cycle of ignoring people and ghosting. I don’t really want to treat people that way, even if they think it’s okay to treat me that way. So I will reply: 

With: “Hi [NAME]! Thank you for asking, but I’m not going on any dates, or anything that resembles a date right now. If we were to hang out, I would prefer it in a meetup group setting. Hope that’s cool!”

I think it’s fun to show my blog just how much thought goes into a single reply. All of this thought. I’m a very thought-filled person. It’s pretty burdensome.

You know what's funny though? I haven't even checked to see if he's cute yet. That is what I normally would have done. But in this case, it no longer matters. I've already evolved!

I will update this with the response.. If I get one.

‍

UPDATE.

So he did reply.

"ok well we could even meet purely as friends have meals/walks/coffee together but will it up to you."

Sigh. Those are all things that resemble a date. I just don't want to repeat myself. I'm going to ignore him at this point because I feel like I was pretty clear. Maybe I should just... share this website's link with him... That should make it abundantly clear, right?